Where did fall go?

To pumpkin patches and hayrides~

To long sleeve shirts and jumping in the leaves~

To visits with Grammy and Pops~

To eating homemade candy apples, drawing on pumpkins and trick or treating~

(This is Luke and his buddy, Dylan, on Halloween!)

A letter for Eli.

My sweet Eli,

It is the time of day that your dad and I look forward to most. The sun has set, your teeth are brushed, warm jammies cover your little body. You have sat in my lap attentively listening to book after book, some I am sure you know the words as I have read them time and time again, with your big, dark eyes studying the pages. You know this is the last page and you turn to me with arms wide open. Luke turns off the light and I scoop you up. I hold you. Both arms wrapped around my neck, your head on my shoulder. I sing in your ear, "Daisy, daisy give me your answer true. I'm half crazy all for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage, I can't afford a carriage but you'll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two." You are hugging me with no hint of letting go, I can feel your heartbeat against my chest. The most loving of cuddles. I start again and set you in your crib. You look into my eyes, with love and tenderness. One sweet smile and my heart melts. Thank you for those most precious moments.

Eli you smile big and love hard. Your ability to learn by watching amazes me. Your quick temper has made me think on my toes more than once. Every boo boo needs a kiss and you love to flush toilets (lets just forget about last week when I found you drinking from the toilet.) You never pass up an opportunity to give someone a hug or dance to any given beat. You are my son and I am forever grateful that God has blessed me with your love.

(I know I have violated some copyright laws here, I am sure. My amazing friend, Kristie, of Kristie Serra Photography took this picture of me and sweet cheeks this summer. I took a picture of the picture and here it is. So sorry Kris and I know the color is all wrong but the smile is all right :) Please forgive me.)

To Live Content with Small Means.

"To live content with small means;

to seek elegance rather than luxury,

and refinement rather than fashion;

to be worthy, not respectable,

and wealthy, not rich;

to study hard, think quietly, talk gently, act frankly;

to listen to stars and birds, to babes and sages, with open heart;

to bear all cheerfully, do all bravely,

await occasions, hurry never.

In a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious,

grow up through the common.

This is to be my symphony. "

By: William Henry Channing

Excited Mommy-To-Be!

Matt and I are so excited to be expecting Baby Klasnick #3. Due date- May 9, 2011. After Matt sat on the floor and took a few deep breathes, he was able to tell me that he was thrilled, shocked, not ready and so ready all at once. We feel so lucky to nurture this growing life and add to the love of our family.

Both Luke and Eli were born in Florida so this is the first pregnancy I have had in Colorado. The usual all day nausea and tiredness have passed but the out of breathe and unquenchable thirst are all new to me. I blame it on the altitude- 5280 feet ya know. To my surprise, there is only one free standing birth facility in Colorado but lucky for me it is only 20 minutes from our house. After my first appointment, I feel confident in the midwives and in my ability to have natural, comfortable birth there. My only surprise came in their advice for me to get a first tri-meseter ultrasound. Their main reason being that we needed to pinpoint the due date since Eli's birth went so quickly. I get that and got one. One sweet little heartbeat and a healthy little one~

And today my heart broke.

The past few weeks this heart of mine has been full of sadness. Welling up with tears that my eyes can no longer cry. Sometimes it just seems unbearable. The feeling of being helpess, not knowing what to do or to say. Loved ones broken down, mother's with heartaches and knowledge that will change their world forever, and friend's struggles.

I have come to know the Matthew's family from a friend in Florida. I have followed their blog and while I have never been able to wrap my arm's around them and pour love into their hearts their story has changed me. Changed my heart. http://thematthewsstory.com/ Today, my heart broke. It just could not handle the sadness.

Oh how I squeeze Luke a little tighter each time I see him and kiss Eli one more time before I lay him down. Grateful, thankful. Each and every prayer said in hopes of bringing peace to hurting hearts and for God's perfect love to surround his children.

And the tears came.

Last night at about 9:15pm I hear a sniffle and a whimper and a beckoning, "Mom, mom...." barely audible come from Luke and float down the stairs. He has been perfecting his stall tactics lately so I thought this was part of the scheme. Once I got into his room, he collapsed into my arms. Sobbing, tears rolling down his cheeks. "Mommy, the trampoline was in my mouth and it would not let my mouth close." "The swisher was loud and I was scared." "I wanted to get out of the chair and the dentist said I had to sit as still as a statue." "It took so long." "They put medicine on it." "I don't want to go to the dentist."

Wow, a flood of emotions. Turns out this was all tied to his root canal and filling from two weeks ago that he proclaimed was "no biggie". Luke is a thinker and from what I can tell he held in all of these emotions and fear, thinking about them since the visit. The morning before he had come into my bedroom at 5am and asked me when he had to go to the dentist and I thought nothing of it. Oh, poor thing had been carrying this weight all alone.

What a true lesson for me to remember, to really listen to what my child tells me. Maybe I should have been able to sense his fear that morning or brought up the dental visit again a few days after the procedure to make sure he still felt comfortable with what had happened. For Luke, I now know that just because he carries a smile on his face does not mean he is smiling in his heart.

So today we ventured over to the dental office again and he had a "fun" visit. Brushed his teeth, got a prize. They said they would send us a card in 6 months so that we could come back again for a cleaning and Luke replied with, "Sounds good. See you next week." I am hoping we have cleared the air with this one.

3 in 4.

21 pounds, 2 ounces, Eli's new weight. He is not on the charts just yet but is close. He gained 3 pounds in 4 weeks, great news! We got the results back from the pediatric endocrinologist and it turns out his acid levels are still low but she said that IF he can continue to gain weight she is not as concerned. In two tests, she was able to detect human growth hormone, she found normal fat levels in his fecal specimens and his Vitamin D levels are right where they should be although most of it coming from the sun not his diet. She said she is very pleased with they way everything looks and confirmed with a pediatric nephrologist that the acid levels are not worrisome with the weight gain. Thank you Lord for keeping watch over my beloved son.

So, what did we do? Pretty much stopped feeding him fruits and vegetables. If you give Eli a plate of french fries, chicken nuggets and peas he will eat the peas and beg for more leaving all else for the birds. While I am not completely comfortable and am sure this will not be our lifestyle I am confident it will not hurt him for a few months. Matt asked me a few weeks back to change his diet, cut out the green smoothies, be a bit more lenient with refined sugars and add some meat to his diet. For me it is going to be about finding balance in the coming months with what I feel is a healthy diet for him and what will keep his weight up.